Single Mother By Choice Regrets: A Candid Look At Parenthood Choices

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The topic of single mothers is often revealed from only one side. This is usually thought of by women who have been abandoned by their partners. However, this has not been the case for a long time. Among single parents, a significant share is occupied by women who deliberately chose to do so. Their husbands did not abandon them, they chose to become mothers without a partner. In this article, we will sincerely talk about all the challenges of such parenthood, and understand what it’s like to be a single mom by choice.

Desire To Be A Mother: A Deep-Rooted Urge Or A Conscious Choice Single Mom?

How and why does the desire to become a mother arise, what is its nature and how do women dare to raise a child independently? What are the daily single mom struggling? There are two points of view. One claims that the desire to have a child is deep-rooted – it is a maternal instinct that is laid down by nature and strengthens with age or in the presence of a reliable, stable partner and relationship. However, if there are no such conditions, and the desire to have children is strong, it is more like the second point of view – a conscious choice. In this case, desire is formed not only on biological needs but also on psychological maturity, and readiness to take responsibility for another life. 

Overcoming Societal Expectations And Prioritizing Personal Desires In Single Mom Life

Realizing the nature of your desires and considering starting the single mom life is just the first step. Ahead, in addition to parenthood as such, there are still many problems and obstacles like public expectations. The situation with social demands becomes worse when those around you find out that you have chosen to become a mother and raise a child without a partner. Also, many people are skeptical about artificial insemination and may judge you if you choose this method. It is difficult, but at the same time, it is a good test of the stability of your beliefs and desire to be a choice mom.

Single Mother By Choice (Smc) Defined

We talked about choosing to be a single mom. Let’s get down to the definition. Different sources offer different explanations of the term, so we tried to combine the main characteristics. A single Mother by Choice is a woman who decided to become a mother despite the lack of a partner to create and raise a child. Usually, this choice is because the fertile age is nearing completion, and she does not have a partner to create a family, but she wants to start her path to parenthood. A woman can use the services of a sperm donor or adopt a child.

Нaving A Baby By Yourself Single Mother

After you are sure of your intentions to be a single mom and raise a child on your own, it’s time to choose a way to implement them. In all cases, it will not be an easy, but necessary path, at the end of which you will hold your child in your arms. There are many options for becoming a single mom by choice. We will talk about several main ways:

Fertility Treatments

The first is fertility treatments. This is a type of therapy that involves using donor sperm to artificially fertilize your eggs. There are two types of fertility treatments: in vitro fertilization and intrauterine insemination. The first option also includes complex infertility therapy, while the second is an effective method of mom insemination with donor sperm. Fertility treatments also include egg donation, if needed. Any methods are accompanied by hormonal therapy and its consequences, this should not be forgotten.

Adoption Processes

Another way that does not require undergoing therapy and the process of artificial insemination is the adoption of a child. Here, too, there are several options, such as adoption from shelters or directly to biological parents who refuse guardianship immediately after birth. It all depends on your readiness or not, being a single mom by choice, but raising a slightly older child. But in both cases, the most difficult thing is to get permission for adoption. It is not easy for full-fledged spouses to go through all the stages of verification and become adoptive parents, and future single moms are refused much more often.

Other Paths To Becoming An Smc

In addition to artificial insemination and adoption, there are other ways to become a mother without a partner. If the idea of single-mother artificial insemination does not suit you, you can choose surrogate motherhood. In this way, the child will still be half biologically yours, since the woman who will carry it will be fertilized with your egg and donor sperm. The advantage of this method is that you don’t have to go through hormone therapy and worry about the decision of the adoption committee. 

The Upsides Of Single Motherhood By Choice

Of course, single parenthood is a difficult path, from problems with the method of conception or adoption to all the daily challenges that every mother faces. However, becoming a mother without a partner by your side is, first of all, about a choice made consciously, taking into account all the pros and cons. The most important thing is to properly prepare for each stage to get the most out of your decision. Let’s consider what are the advantages of single motherhood by choice.

A Harmonious Household

Imagine a system in which there is a single leader who knows exactly what he wants and how to achieve it. There is no other side that forces a compromise at best. This is often how the life of single mothers looks like by choice. The absence of a second person prevents the occurrence of unnecessary conflict situations and the imbalance of the atmosphere at home.

The Gift Of Independence

As a continuation of the previous point, it is worth mentioning the general feeling of independence in parenthood. All decisions will be made by you, without the need to consult or ask for permission. The name, school, and methods of upbringing are up to you. Yes, it can be scary, because independence and choice are about responsibility. But you should not be afraid, it is better to enjoy your courage and the gifts that come along.

A Clear Set Of House Rules

Another advantage is clear rules of life and coexistence. When you are raising a child on your own, it is much easier to form a routine that will suit both of you, without the need to look to a third party. Under the conditions of a clear and defined set of house rules, the child will feel order and will perceive you not only as a mother but also as an authority, which is very important in transitional periods of development.

Freedom To Chart One’s Path

If we move away from the topic of upbringing and household chores, there is another great advantage of single parenting. This is an opportunity to independently decide one’s destiny, to make one’s way in this world. Having a partner often narrows our potential to the limits imposed by the desires and choices of the other party. In the case of a single mom by choice, there will be no such problems. 

Challenges Often Underestimated By Becoming A Single Mom

Problems with conceiving a child or the adoption process are not the only obstacles that every single mom faces. The most difficult part begins immediately after the appearance of a small person in your home. Now you are responsible for her, and besides your parents and friends, you have no one to rely on. With freedom comes responsibility and the need to plan time and manage finances wisely. And much more, such as:

Moments Of Exhaustion

Being a single mother means being tired. From responsibility to understanding that the life and well-being of the child depends primarily on you. Single parents are often faced with the fact that they need to combine work to provide family and upbringing, quality time with the child. The main thing is to admit that you are tired and need rest so as not to overexert yourself.

Times Of Loneliness

Sooner or later, the moment will come when freedom and responsibility will get boring, instead, you will want to have a reliable person next to you who will help you deal with everything and solve everything. Such periods of weakness are normal. You can be alone but not completely lonely. It is worth turning to friends and relatives when you feel that you cannot cope on your own. And even if the child is 90% of your time, allocate 1% for meetings with loved ones.

The Importance Of Self-Care

Another area that may suffer after the appearance of a child is self-care. There can be a lack of time for these things. Self-care is not just about appearance. These are books, solitary walks, and those things that keep afloat. When all this recedes to the last plan, it can become impossible to withstand the challenges of motherhood.

Feeling Of Guilt

A negative emotion that arises in most single mothers is a feeling of guilt. Maybe the child would be better off with two parents, or maybe I shouldn’t have combined motherhood and work. We often feel that we are not doing enough. Not enough time, toys, travel, money, etc. However, to be strong enough to consciously decide to raise a child on your own is already worthy of respect. You may not be perfect, but you will be everything to your child, and that is enough.

What To Know Before Becoming A Single Mom

Becoming a single mom is an exciting process if you want it and make a conscious decision. In addition to choosing between artificial insemination and adoption, and weighing the pros and cons, there are several preparatory points and important information to read. These are necessary, fundamental questions that should be considered before starting a family.

Preparing Financially

One of the most important points that require a serious approach and preparation is finances. You can be comfortable with your salary living alone. But the whole process of becoming a single mom and the following years of upbringing are a lot of expenses. You need to be specially prepared for checks from medical institutions, hormone therapy, and donors. Or prepare a reliable income report for the adoption commission.

Legal Aspects

Do not forget about all the necessary registers, extracts, guardianships, and other documents that will be required to apply for adoption or surrogacy. In addition to the mentioned certificates of income, it is necessary to prepare certificates of criminal record, and credit history, and undergo examinations for the presence of various types of diseases. And also explain why the child is registered for only one guardian. Be patient.

Community Support, Online Platforms, And Assistance Programs.

To be prepared is to be armed with information. Try to get as much useful up-to-date information as possible. For example, each community has organized support programs for single mothers. You can find out what is included in this support on the website of your community, but usually, it is meetings with a psychologist, lectures on the topic of parenting, or financial assistance. Various online platforms can also be useful, where mothers who are single by choice share their experiences and advice, and discuss the problems of others. Some assistance programs include accessible kindergartens, and advice from experts on upbringing at all stages of development.

It’s Okay To Not Always Love Every Aspect Of The Journey

It is better to immediately be ready for the fact that it will not always be easy and pleasant. If you do not prepare yourself for the difficulties and challenges of parenthood, you can be disappointed and start to doubt your decision. Feeling tired, irritated, and angry at all stages of this journey is normal. You should not blame yourself for showing emotions when it is necessary. You don’t need to consider yourself unworthy of becoming a single mom just because you are exhausted by long adoption processes hormone therapy, or the reaction of loved ones.

The Continuous Growth, Learning, And Adaptation Required In Single Motherhood

If the choice to become a single mom is made, all preparatory aspects are taken into account, and a child is about to appear in your home – this is only the beginning of the journey. There is a lot of work ahead. It is important to continue in the same spirit as at the beginning – to learn about all the important moments of parenthood, develop, attend lectures and practical classes for parents, and learn from the experiences of others. It is also equally important to start the adaptation process as soon as possible. With the appearance of a child, life will change, and you must change, and adapt to the new reality without harming yourself. 

Do Smcs Regret Their Choice?

No matter how difficult it is to raise a child on your own, few single moms regret their choice. This is because it is usually backed by many serious reasons. One of them is an abusive relationship and the desire to have children. Many women choose common sense and do not have children with abusive partners. It is not possible to form a happy family with happy children in unhappy marriages. And waiting for the same thing is an expensive pleasure because it is measured by lost eggs. There are cases when a woman regrets becoming a single mother, but consciously made choices rarely lead to such situations.

Now you know that being a single mom by choice is not easy. This is a long, expensive process that entails many serious decisions and life changes. On this path, a woman must choose everything herself, such as how to become a mother without a partner, methods of raising a child, form a new life, develop and learn. In addition, a woman is responsible for her emotional state and psychological headship to single parenthood. At the same time, Being a single mom is about freedom, fulfilled desire, care, a new community, support, and inner strength. Be honest with yourself and be bold in your choices.


Is It Selfish To Be A Single Mom By Choice?

No, there is nothing selfish about it. A woman aspires to become a single mother to give life to a child and raise it in love regardless of life circumstances. single moms rarely try only to satisfy their desires, there are other reasons for this.

What Is The Average Age Of Single Mothers By Choice?

Most single mothers by choice are mature women whose fertile period is coming to an end, and the desire to have a child only grows. Accordingly, the average age of such mothers varies between 35 and 45 years and depends very much on the country where the survey was conducted.

What Is Empty Nest Syndrome Single Mom?

empty nest syndrome is a condition in which parents find themselves, whose children leave the family home, and who have built their lives around their upbringing. single moms can experience an identity crisis even more acutely if the child has become the center of their life, and the partner has never appeared.

How Many Single Moms Are There By Choice?

11 million single-parent families live in the United States, of which 80% are single moms. That is almost 9 million women who chose to raise a child on their own.