Creating an Effective Parenting Plan: Are You Putting Your Child’s Best Interests First?
Divorces are tough on everyone, especially when children are involved. Kids are often left with plenty of questions like is the divorce somehow their fault? Added to the stress kids with divorcing parents often feel is how much time they get to spend with each of their parents.
Parents often want to spend as much time as possible with their children after a divorce and this means managing parenting time schedules effectively. You consider your interests in the parenting time schedule but what about your child’s? Are you taking into account your child’s best interests?
To help ensure you’re taking a more child-centred approach in your co-parenting schedule, here are a few tips.
Understand Legal Terminology
Like some other provinces, Ontario is updating its legal terminology. Having a basic understanding of the various legal terms applied to co-parenting plans can make it a little easier to create an effective schedule that works for both parents and their children.
Some examples of changes in terminology include using shared parenting time instead of referring to the process as a child visitation schedule. Decision-making responsibility is now the preferred way of referring to the parent in charge of determining various aspects of the shared child’s upbringing. This typically covers decisions about everything from the child’s education and healthcare to their religious affiliation.
Why are these and some other legal terms being updated? Updating legal terms is pretty normal, it helps keep up with the changing times. A phrase commonly used twenty years ago probably rarely pops up in modern conversations. If it does, the meaning may not be clear.
Updating the terminology may have another benefit. The new wording may help reduce some stress children feel during and after a divorce. After all, a parenting plan sounds a little better than visitation.
Be Willing to Communicate and Compromise
Yes, divorces can be contentious. Even if it’s amicable it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re looking forward to keeping communication lines open with your former spouse.
However, when communication breaks down, it’s not uncommon for the child to suffer. Suddenly, they may feel like they’re stuck in the middle of their parent’s divorce as they relay messages back and forth. This isn’t fair to children.
Even if you prefer communicating through your attorneys, it’s better than involving your children. However, you’re still going to need to be able to communicate about your child’s needs after the divorce is finalized. Since your attorneys aren’t always going to be around to pass on messages about your child’s needs, it’s a good idea to establish a preferred way to communicate.
If person-to-person discussions aren’t possible, consider using text and/or emails. Over time, you may even be ready for phone calls or even in-person meetings.
Along with being able to communicate effectively, you should also be ready to compromise. You’re probably not going to get everything you want in a parenting plan so be ready to offer a compromise. For example, you may need to give up a few weeks in the summer to have your child with you during a holiday break.
Be Specific About Parenting Time and Who Makes Decisions
An effective parenting plan outlines when the shared child/children will be with each parent. This includes during the week, weekends, and holidays. Your plan should consider your child’s school schedule, along with any extracurricular activities.
Don’t forget about special occasions like a grandparent’s birthday, family reunion, upcoming wedding, etc. Unless one parent has primary custody, you should try to ensure you both have equal time with your child.
When it comes to who is responsible for decision-making for the child, this can be a little tricky. However, it’s something you want to include in your parenting plan. If you omit this section there’s a good chance conflicts are going to come up. If you and your former spouse have different ideas on every aspect of the child’s life, you may need to rely on a judge to decide who’s responsible for making the decisions.
Don’t Ignore Conflicts
Even an effective parenting time schedule can run into the occasional hiccup. Maybe your former spouse has weekend time with the kids but cancellations are becoming more frequent. One parent may be relocating to another city or state and this can affect parenting schedules. Instead of ignoring any issue, hoping it goes away, try to account for almost any potential problem in your parenting plan.
A good tip is to sit down with your former spouse, an attorney, or even a divorce mediator and play the What If game. Go through various scenarios that can come up in parenting plans and decide how you’ll handle each one. You may not be able to plan for everything but you should be able to cover most of the common occurrences.
If a dispute comes up, try to keep it between you and your former spouse. Your child shouldn’t be dragged into the dispute. You can go back to family court and have a judge sort the details out but there’s a less stressful way. Mediation isn’t only for couples currently going through a divorce, it’s also an effective co-parenting tool.
Remember, a mediator is a neutral third party who isn’t going to play favorites. You’re probably going to need to compromise but at least you and your ex can reach an acceptable agreement.
Always Focus on Your Child’s Best Interests
Divorcing parents often struggle to make the process completely about them. Parents can get caught up in arguing over asset division or even blaming each other for the failure of their marriage. Accepting the fact that your marriage simply didn’t work out can be tough but it’s often necessary if you want to create an effective shared parenting plan.
Your child should also have a say in the parenting agreement as long as they’re old enough. Don’t discount your child’s preferences or concerns. Remembering to put your child’s best interests first can make it easier to come up with a parenting plan that works for everyone.
