Am I Keeping The Baby? Pregnant with Baby 5

To follow Baby 5’s Journey Go HERE.

So something is really bothering me….

I don’t know if it is pregnancy hormones on high alert or what. This is the situation.

Of course I am keeping this baby. Though unexpected. This baby is loved and going to be such a lovely addition to the family.

Here is the situation. The OB group I am using is basically the ONLY game in town.

First thing they do is have you fill out a form ( around 5 weeks) to be used my your OB and their nurse to know what prenatal you are taking and other background information such as when was your last period.

One of the questions ( there are only like 10 ) is if you want to keep the baby. I checked the YES box.

At 8 weeks pregnant. I am on Zoom with my OB ( who I had seen at the end with Gwenivere so I knew her). We are talking and she asks if I am choosing to keep the baby. This kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Did she not look at the form? I said yes I am planning on keeping the baby.

13 weeks. I see the OB in person. The nurse sits me down and asks me point-blank the first question – am I planning on keeping this baby. I say yes AGAIN.

What the heck do you think is going on? I remember with all my other babies this was never asked other than on the form.

I am not super upset by it; however, it did make me feel like they really need to work on communication and could be a potential red flag on how things are being run. What do you think?

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  • Amanda

    Yikes! The lack of communication is a major red flag to me personally and I would address it with my OB, asking why they are so concerned with keeping the baby. I’m so glad your pregnancy is going well!

  • Jennifer Marie Johnson

    My brain would have gone straight to what do they know that I don’t….is there something wrong with the baby’s development? I want to say I can’t believe it. but I am not surprised. No one listens, reads or writes anymore. Doctors especially.

  • Amy

    Out of 6 pregnancies (5 live births) I have never once been asked by a medical professional of any sort if I was keeping the baby. I find it very odd that it would be asked beyond a very appt. and it would make me uneasy.

  • Raquel Beaty

    It would totally rub me the wrong way too! I have 5 kiddos (albeit a bit more spaced out, but STILL)… the last one was a bit of a surprise/oops… but there are ways they could word a question that would NOT come across as… rude?

    Such as “what are your feelings towards/with this pregnancy?”
    And since you have had multiple children already… a follow up question like “How is that different than your past pregnancies?”

    IF for some reason you were having hesitations about keeping the baby, I feel that those questions would open the door in a way that wouldn’t feel so abrasive.

  • Jan

    Yes i’d be a little upset as well when asked several times the very same question! It like 1. They don’t communicate with one another
    2. Is this a new way of working with newborn placement group???
    I certainly would ask what is the issue with asking me every appointment if I’m keeping my child!!

  • Janet

    I think they probably got either a new computer system, or at the least an updated flow record. They’re probably asking all the questions they are required to do at each visit. I wouldn’t take it personally at all. The computer flow record simply dictates what needs to be asked. Perhaps the reason it has been so frequent is that some scared mommas are undecided, and some delay care until further along. It just prevents the question from being missed.

  • Cherie

    Hello,
    Its does seem unusual but we are in unusual times. We have a pandemic, many people are loosing their homes. Another factor is that teen birthrates are at a all time low. There are really not that many adoptable children and IVF is very expensive.
    If you were to terminate there is only a certain amount of time that is allowed to take care of this. As well as adoption they would want to make sure they had the proper family ready and not wait till the last minute.
    I am sorry this is a intrusive time for your family.
    I have to wonder if you have ever watched those reality shows where the mothers get pregnant with multiple children or some have many pregnancies such as 18 and counting and then it was 21? Perhaps remember Octomom? All of these women’s choices were their own and their families. But in order to take care of their families they had to turn to reality. Some of the children of these families no longer want any communication with their parents.
    I have to admit I thought that is was unfair that children had to raise their brothers and sisters and how I felt sorry for the one mother of 21 who almost died. I actually wondered if her vagina had fallen out.
    Some religions dictate that families multiply. I have read stories where women secretly do not want to have that many children and will seek termination and use birth control. How sad that one would have to resort to make that decision alone because others wanted something different from her body.
    I know you are a good mother. It all started with that spoiled rotten cat! I understand,my children are all gone now and I even considered foster care by myself because I just love the little people. But at 58 it probably is not the best time so I will have to spoil my own 4 dogs. By the way people think I am crazy for that.
    Next time you go to the Doctor, have yourself a t-shirt made that says YES I Am Keeping my BABY! Take care of yourself and your cute little people.

    Sincerely,
    Cherie

  • Jill

    I think that’s a super inappropriate question to ask no matter if this is your first baby, fifth baby, or 50th baby! I feel that IF a woman was NOT wanting to keep the baby, it should be upon the MOTHER and not the doctor/nurse to bring up the subject.

    This question, on paper or in person, just rubs me the wrong way. It feels super judgmental and full of pressure no matter how many pregnancies you’ve had. I think it could also be especially triggering for a woman who has had a difficult time conceiving, be it issues with fertility or miscarriages.

    For the doctor and nurse/s to KEEP bringing it up to you also feels really judgmental of you/your situation. TO ME, it feels like they’re implying that you messed up, you can’t handle/provide for five children, and/or that you’re prone to be flakey. I would also be offended if the doctor suggested a conversation about a vasectomy or tubal ligation. UNLESS another pregnancy would put a woman’s life in danger, it’s not the doctor’s place to initiate a conversation about permanent birth control.

    I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this at your OB office. I encourage you to first ASK your doctor and nurses to NOT ask you this question again, and if it persists, then DEMAND that they do not ask. It’s a rather offensive question, and I imagine that heading to an appointment knowing that this question is likely to be asked again is NOT good for your anxiety and mental health which in turn is NOT good for the baby!

  • Madeline

    I don’t think they should even ask that question! If you were not planning to keep the baby, wouldn’t you be the one bringing up that subject? It just doesn’t seem like a question they should ask you!

  • Missy

    As an adoptee and the parent of an adopted child I can say this is just wrong on the OB office staff part. Whether or not parents decide to keep a child is a very sensitive topic. You are showing grace by not coming unglued. Asking once I can see. Read your own damn form people!